What Are Important Questions And Fears That Prospective Adoptive Parents Have When They Meet You?
The biggest fear of adoptive parents is: Are we going to have a healthy baby? And that is a realistic fear. Adoption has changed tremendously in the last ten or so years. I am actually doing very few newborn adoptions because many women nowadays are keeping their child. It’s socially acceptable to have a child out of wedlock, and so a lot of young women who would have placed ten years ago, women who are in college or in between college and law school, even teenagers, are keeping their babies.
Unfortunately, that leaves a small number of women who are placing, and they are primarily drug addicts and people with a lot of problems. That’s not to say that they are bad people at all, but there is a greater risk that the child could be impaired when it’s born as a result of poor in-utero care and lack of pre-natal care. It’s really sad. These adoptions are very complicated, and I tell people to be prepared for a financial emotional rollercoaster, between the drugs and the mental health issues and the lack of stable housing, which isn’t their fault. (There’s just no affordable housing anywhere these days.)
Adoption is really expensive, and you have to have a strong heart for the ups and downs of the process. You need an adventurous spirit when this child is born; hopefully, it will be fine and will grow up healthy. I’ve done 2,000 adoptions in my career, and I have kids coming to me now who are in college or in their mid-20s. I know their mom did cocaine 20 or 25 years ago when that was the popular drug, but nowadays, it’s often more heavy-duty drugs, which add more complications. When people come to me saying all they want is a healthy baby, I can put that on my list, but I can’t make any guarantees that you’ll have a match any time soon.
I do a lot of stepparent and grandparent adoptions because, sadly, a lot of parents are overdosing, leaving the grandparents or other relatives with their children. The drug epidemic is still out there wreaking havoc on families.
I even do a lot of adult adoptions. It’s a beautiful thing when a guy who is 60 and who has been raising his daughter since she was five wants to formalize the relationship now that she is 25. Maybe her biological dad passed away or is out of the picture.
Some of the adoptions I handle come from the Department of Children and Families, and those are hard because you have to get them out of the department. We can, if the parents cooperate, but the department tends to give biological parents a lot of chances to straighten out their acts. That means, a lot of the times, that those kids are tied up for years and years in this system in foster care, so it’s really hard to access them. It’s sad because I love doing adoptions and I love making a difference in a child’s life; I still do them, but when people come to me, I have to tell them the truth. I’m not going to sugarcoat it.
International adoptions are pretty much closed down. All of those people who were doing international adoptions are now coming here trying to do domestic adoptions, so you have a lot of people competing to adopt the small number of primarily drug-exposed babies being born. It’s just really sad and really tough. I tell people they’re welcome to be on my adoption list, but if they are really ready to be parents now and they can swing it financially, surrogacy is the route to go.
I Am Pregnant And Considering Giving The Child Up For Adoption. What Do I Do?
If you’re considering giving your child up for adoption, give us a call, and we will do everything in our power to make a very difficult decision less difficult. I can’t make it easy. I think it’s an incredibly courageous act for you to consider your child’s best interest first. I do primarily open adoptions where you can meet and choose and interact with the family that will be raising your child. I think that’s the healthiest adoption out there, one where everybody is open about everything. Open adoptions don’t necessarily include visitation. Some do, some don’t, but we’ll work closely with you to find just the right family for your child.
We also will help you to get on your feet: you can find housing, eat nourishing foods, and seek medical care, all under our wing. We hope to give you peace of mind that there is going to be this wonderful, loving family waiting for your child when your child is born.
For more information on Questions & Fears of Adoptive Parents, a free initial consultation is your next best step. Get the information and legal answers you are seeking by calling (561) 330-6700 today.